Disconnected

          You may think you know me but you dont. My mind wanders constantly and it shows. I know when I want something but I don't know how to keep it. I know when I don't want something but I don't know how to delete it. Im searching for a specific feeling, waiting on a moment. I drift further away every day and I dont know how I'll feel tomorrow. We are so symilar and yet so completely distant. We do not see the possibilities because we are one in the same, you are of my breed. We get close then run away. Never lingering for long. Life comes slowly and drones on but I do not want to be caught in this cycle. I want to break free and disconnect from everything that is comfortable.

          I have always broken hearts, I can never make myself stay. After the first few that broke me I never was the same. A stronger more confident version of me rose from the ashes of my own broken heart, and I picked myself back up. It is no easy thing to leave a boy, but I cannot deny it once it's time. I am no romantic. I cannot hold someones heart and not want to give it back. I can not trust anyone with my heart, so I know I'll never love. I live in the moments i'm lucky enough to come across.

          It is a comforting thought that there are others like me out there, surely I cannot be the only one. I've met others, I've been with others, but those of my breed always run away for a variety of reasons. A heartbreaker will leave you for many reasons: to seek adventure, someone new, boredom, change of heart, fear, or because they just really didnt care in the first place. Occassionally a heartbreaker will unknowingly become involved with someone of their own game. When two of our type get together there are alot of mixed signals, alot of confusion, and alot of frustration. Once you recognize eachother for what you are, you might never see them again, or you might have found your match. Theres no telling what will happen. It's hard for two completely disconnected people to not connect to each other.

          My mother says that I always date loosers, but what she doesnt realize is what we had in common. I do not like alot of contact in public, I do not like pet names, I cannot stand 'I love you's, and I do not like making a show of my personal life. So basically im cut out to date jerks.

          I've always been a nice person, and at times hilarious. A nice person/heartbreaker is ironic I know. But you can't blame me for trying to get it right. I won't settle for anything less.